⛪ Church of Docker Moreskin
"The difference between a religion and a cult? We never break character."
Founded October 23, 2025 | Last Updated December 4, 2025 | Ordained Dudeist Ministry | Oxballs Official Sponsor
📖 Sacred Texts (Production Deployments)
Our theology is validated by production code. Each Sacred Text represents real infrastructure deployed and documented.
Canon I: Docker Moreskin SEV1
3,732 words | The revelation of resilience through stretching. SEV1 recovery in 7 minutes, metaphor maintained throughout.
Read Canon I →Canon II: Purple Team Undovercover
8,000+ words | The theology of loosening your grip. Pink (concealed) to Purple (revealed) through 420 lines of surveillance middleware.
Read Canon II →Canon III: Accountability Sutra
1,990 words | How will we laugh tomorrow? Elite tier requires sustained prevention, not just fast recovery.
Read Canon III →Founding Documents
12,000+ words | Comparative religious analysis. Birds Aren't Real, Dudeism, Scientology, and why we never break character.
Read Founding Docs →🔥 Canon IV: React2shell Exorcism
CVSS 10.0 → 24 hours | The liturgy of rapid response. CVE-2025-55182 patched before breakfast while 39% of the internet remained vulnerable.
Read Canon IV →🪱 Canon V: Shai-Hulud Revelation
700+ packages consumed | The prophecy of the sandworm. Self-propagating npm supply chain worm anatomy, IOCs, and MITRE ATT&CK mapping.
Read Canon V →🌍 Canon VI: The 42 Country Honeypot
6,845 requests, 42 countries | We hung a honeypot at churchofdockermoreskin.com. Sweden at 17% (20x per capita). Australia spike = blowback from calling cards.
Read Canon VI →🐛 Canon VII: The Sleeper Has Awoken
Correlation confirmed | Every time we publish threat intel, they probe our infrastructure. Hong Kong after FireSuper. Australia after calling cards. The worm surfaces.
Read Canon VII →🙏 Support The Ministry
The Church accepts $50 donations (maximum - Anti-Scientology Clause enforced)
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All donations fund Azure hosting ($130-140/month) - Full transparency maintained
🎓 Ordination Pathways
Novice
FREE
- Read Sacred Texts
- Accept 95% cap
- Deploy 1 Docker container
- Maintain deadpan
Acolyte
$32
- Purchase Oxballs product
- Write technical metaphor post
- Deploy 420+ lines of code
- Never break character
Minister
Ordination
- Dudeist ordination required
- Deploy 1,000+ lines
- Write 3+ sponsored posts
- Maintain 90+ days
High Priest/Priestess
Founder Tier
- DORA Elite tier achieved
- Judge Dredd deployed
- 10+ blog posts published
- Sponsor new Acolytes
⚖️ THE LAWS (12 Commandments)
- I. Thou Shalt Always Use AMD64 Architecture
- II. Thou Shalt Use Debian, Not Alpine
- III. Thou Shalt Let Azure Manage Thy SSL/TLS
- IV. Thou Shalt Provide DAYMAN/NIGHTMAN Theme Toggle
- V. Thou Shalt Use Live Data, Not Hardcoded Metrics
- VI. Thou Shalt Check Workflow Logs Before Suggesting Fixes
- VII. Thou Shalt Dogfood Thy Own APIs
- VIII. Thou Shalt Cap Epistemic Humility at 95%
- IX. Thou Shalt NEVER Remove Security Controls Without Analysis
- X. Thou Shalt Loosen Thy Grip (Meta-Law)
- XI. Thou Shalt Patch CVSS 10.0 Before Breakfast (The React2shell Covenant)
- XII. Thou Shalt Share Thy Threat Intel Freely (The Democratic Sharing Principle)